


Acceptance

by Flicker_Dragon



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Character Study, Coming of Age, F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flicker_Dragon/pseuds/Flicker_Dragon
Summary: A short story exploring Moonbyul's journey into discovering her sexuality, and the gradual acceptance of that.
Relationships: Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: this was a short fic I wrote for last pride, but I thought I'd post it here. Just a reminder that Moon Byulyi is a real person, and although this fic might assert that she is gay, this is purely fanfiction and her sexuality is her business :)
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoy!

For Byulyi, her journey into finding herself wasn't one of sudden discovery, more of a gradual acceptance. 

In fact, Byulyi didn't know the word 'gay' even existed until she was eight. 

It had been a muggy morning, and the clouds had smothered the sky in a thick blanket. Her parents were walking in front her, making small talk, and as usual the city was bustling with life all around her. Then her parents stopped. It was sudden, ubrupt and in the middle of the street. Byul, oblivious and not looking where she was going, collided into her father's leg and was sent stumbling back. The atmosphere had shifted suddenly, somehow more hostile. It hung in the air like ice, so thin it could crack at any moment.

Byul, unsure and a little worried, peered around her father's tensed leg. On a bench in front of them sat two men. They were unusually dressed- one had even dyed his hair green, and they were both holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. Her father cleared his throat loudly, and her mother's disgusted face spoke louder than any words. The couple had looked up, and in that moment their eyes widened and they seemed to wilt. 

They looked so scared.

The green haired man opened his mouth to say something, gripping tighter to his partner's hand, but her father had by then roughly grabbed her and dragged her away, muttering something about those "fucking gays," leaving Byul wide eyed, confused and frightened. She didn't dare ask what 'gays' were, but she knew in that moment that it must be something horrible. 

Over the years since that incident her understanding of homosexuality grew. It came through the snide quips from her class mates, the disgust at the notion of anything other than a man and a women. It came through the news, how perverted these people were and what damage their 'pride parades' were doing to the public. Byulyi grew up like everyone else, hating that repressed section of her society. 

Accept, she wasn't like everyone else. Something inside her distanced her from all the other girls in her class and she couldn't quite place a finger on it. Maybe it was because she couldn't relate with their obsessions with boys; she never knew the answer who looked the cutest in her class or who was the hottest singer. Over and over she shrug noncommittally, telling her friends she didn't know and she was just waiting for 'the one'... until her friends started to give her funny looks and the pressure to make somebody up became suffocating.

She was sixteen when she was first asked out by a boy. He was awkward, but sweet and they had good conversations about their favourite games before, so she decided to say yes. He took her to the movies, and his palm was sticky with sweat when he held her hand, and when he kissed her, his lips were rough and his stubble grazed her chin. 

Her friends said he was attractive, her family were delighted, so they stayed together for six months. The scariest thing was that she actually liked the guy. He was funny - made her laugh so hard her sides ached, and was sweet and caring. But when they held hands, touched, cuddled, kissed, she felt nothing. She never felt anything, and that terrified her.

She was seventeen when she knew she definitely liked girls. She was lying snuggled under the sheets of her best friend's bed, an empty glass of cheap wine on the bedside table. She was warm, and the buzz of the alcohol attenuating golden feeling that glowed in the center of her chest. Her childhood best friend, Minji, was curled up beside her under the covers, her fingers absent-mindedly intertwined with Byul's, humming nothing in particular, staring at the ceiling. She had hung fairy lights above her bed, and they captured her features in a tender pink glow. Delicate. Enchanting. Minji turned her head to look at Byul, the light shifting from the curve of her face to the rise of her heart-shaped lips and in that moment, Byul wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

And when she reflected on it later that night, as she sat tear-stained on the floor of her best friend's bathroom, it all seemed to make sense. The butterflies in the bottom of her stomach whenever her unnie in the year above walked by, her infatuation with certain female musicians, why she got so flustered whenever Tsuyu tried to talk to her...

It was accepting that part of herself that was the hardest. It took many nights sobbing herself to sleep, denying, researching, exploring gay bars and discovering the complexities of Korea's underground community for her to identify as gay, and eventually, she came to peace with that.

Meeting the girls of Mamamoo was life changing. 

Suddenly, she was well on her way to fufilling her dream with these wonderful girls who became her best friends. She never really needed to come out to them, she just... was, and they somehow seemed to understand. They loved her for who she was, and that was the most validating and freeing thing to Moonbyul.

Yongsun, especially, played a key role in her journey. Yongsun, the insufferable unnie. Yongsun, her wonderful best friend. Yongsun, the girl who, clumsy with alcohol, took Byul by the collar and kissed her like she meant it that fateful night. Their relationship was never perfect or easy, but it made Byul so happy. 

And in those treasured moments between them, Byulyi curled up on the couch, with Yongsun pressing sleepy kisses onto the corner of her jaw, their hands intertwined, Byul isn't just accepting of her sexuality, she is proud of it.

Because if it means that she gets to love a girl like Yongsun, and she can be loved back, just as beautifully, everything is worth it.


End file.
